As I said yesterday, I started getting fat in around the 2nd grade. You can see the progressive weight gain in my pictures.
I was very social when I was little. I loved people. I had a following of older friends. My mom tells me that when I was 3 or 4, I had all of the older neighborhood kids following me around. "Come on friends." I would say to them.
As I started gaining weight, I noticed that people started treating me differently. They weren't as nice. I heard the fat comments. I won't rehash them all here. I don't really think that is necessary plus I don't remember every single comment anyway.
It was hurtful. I didn't understand what was going on. Why was I getting so fat? Why were people so mean? What was wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? Am I not worthy of being a friend? Why am I being rejected? Why did I not get as many Valentine cards as the other girls did? Why don't boys like me?
I started eating more to comfort myself. And I just got fatter.
By the time I was in middle school, all I wanted was for a boy to like me. Just any boy. I didn't care who it was. All of the other girls had boyfriends. Where was my boyfriend? What is it going to take?
Maybe, if I wear this low cut tank top and no bra, a boy will notice and like me. It was the first time that thought occurred to me. But it wouldn't be my last.
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